


She's (Not) Afraid

by LindsayIsTheCraic



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Friends to Lovers, a fic where Abby isn't afraid of anything, in honor of 1d's 10th anniversary, or is she ???????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25826698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LindsayIsTheCraic/pseuds/LindsayIsTheCraic
Summary: Abby Griffin isn’t afraid of anything—except one thing. She’s sky dived more times than she can count on two hands; she’s the only one in her friend group who isn’t fazed when they explore haunted places. Hell, she’s even taken down an armed robber by herself with only her hands. But the moment her heart finally skips a beat, and not out of fear, she’s terrified.
Relationships: Abby Griffin & Marcus Kane, Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane
Comments: 33
Kudos: 29





	1. PRIDE

**Author's Note:**

> Hello pumpkins!!!!
> 
> Here is a oneshot inspired by She's Not Afraid by 1D! Decided I'd do a 1D inspired fic for their tenth anniversary and this is the song y'all selected!
> 
> As the chapters are posted, you'll see there's an interesting twist to my writing...let me know how I do!!
> 
> HUGE SHOUTOUT TO mysticdragonstar FOR HELPING ME EDIT THIS--YOU'RE A GOLD STAR! :)
> 
> ENJOY!

The first time Abby felt her heart skip a beat, she didn’t think it was real.

It was such a foreign feeling to her, she almost missed it. She never knew what it felt like prior to then, as Abby Griffin was not afraid of anything—or so she thought.

When did she feel it?

Not when her parachute jammed, delaying its deployment; not when they heard whispers in the haunted hotel they explored. The usual moments a person feels fear or slight anxiety, it never stirred anything in Abby. Her heart rate remained steady and her breathing never hitched. So, what finally caused her heart to stop?

None other than watching her best friend, Marcus Kane, land his first skydive on his own. Watching his feet skid on the ground as he came to a full stop before ripping his helmet off and screaming at the top of his lungs, she felt proud. Seeing him spin around and grinning full on at her, that pride amplified.

The next thing she knew, he engulfed her in the biggest hug she had ever received. He spun her around, shouting that he couldn’t believe he did it, reassuring himself that she actually did see it, emphasizing how it was a clean landing, and shouting a couple happy curse words into the air.

Keeping her in his arms, he pulled back to reveal a blinding smile plastered across his face as he struggled to catch his breath. His eyes shone with desperate anticipation, waiting for her approval. Breathless from her own landing a few minutes ago, she felt the familiar strain on her lungs reminding her to breathe. As her breathing returned to normal, her smile slowly grew and she nodded, pride shining through. He smiled more in response, the pride she felt reflected in the glint from his eyes.

That’s when it happened; that’s when her heart first skipped a beat.

It broke the moment.

Her gaze turned confused and she looked around, trying to figure out what happened. Marcus noticed as her gaze shifted uncomfortably, his gaze following suit. Confused by what was happening, he asked what was wrong. She couldn’t explain it though, as her hand went to her chest, right over her heart. Nothing from her medical background could explain what she felt under the hand she pressed to her chest. She told him she was fine, that maybe it was just because she hadn’t skydived in a long time.

He let it go, but his concerned gaze travelled over her expression for a second longer as they stepped back from each other. Indra landed next; Abby didn’t even see Indra’s landing. Her mind was too wrapped up in what was happening to her physically. Her mind raced, searching for an explanation, as her knuckles began to turn white from the grip on her jacket.

Her heart skipping a beat?

It was probable, but it never happened to her before. Not any sky dive, even her first, had sent her heart racing; no bumps, thuds, or whispers in haunted places made her heart stop. Not even her MCAT or medical school board exam caused her heart rate to race.

Shaking herself free from the strange sensation, she refocused as Indra was congratulating Marcus on his first successful solo landing. Their embrace was less personal, but his excitement was just as clear, and as he turned to face Abby, she felt her heart quicken just the slightest.

She didn’t like it. She didn’t like it one bit.


	2. TRUST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ghosts aren't the only thing to go bump in the dark

The second time Abby felt her heart skip a beat, she felt tempted to blame the ghosts haunting the hotel they were in.

Their group of friends agreed to visit a random abandoned place once a month to explore and rekindle teenage memories. Their exploration would usually take place a few days after their skydiving adventures, and the hotel they were currently at was one they knew well. Ever since their little group got together (her, Marcus, Indra, and Cece), they visited all the time, as it was the first place they explored.

Tonight was no different than any other night they explored the hotel. It had been abandoned for over twenty years after being revealed as a favorite site for a famous serial killer. All the ghosts of the victims are said to haunt the halls and rooms they were murdered in. Rumor was, if you were quiet enough, in the silence, you could hear an exact replica of the killings. As always, they wound up in room one hundred to end the night and recap everything they encountered.

As they were going over what they saw, the familiar sound of an elderly lady humming sounded through the room. They all fell silent, listening as they imagined the woman packing up her belongings to leave, not knowing she would never leave the room again.

Instead of watching the room like the rest of the group, Abby found herself distracted by Marcus’ intense gaze on the foggy window and the AC unit beneath it. It was said to be the place where the poor elderly lady was murdered without warning by a “bell hop” who was there to help her carry her luggage.

His eyes were trained on the window, looking for any sign of her ghost. The group had never actually caught her spirit causing a ruckus or any movement to confirm her presence. The only thing they had to go off of was her humming. Marcus always joked about doing a séance to get the proof, but Cece threatened to have him join the old lady if he ever tried something like that.

As the humming came towards the end of the tune, Abby saw Marcus’ eyes narrow in concentration. When the last note finished, she saw his breath catch and his shoulders tense. Ignoring any ghostly happenings, Abby’s focus was solely on Marcus.

Suddenly, his eyes widened, his jaw slacked slightly, and his breath hitched again. He was silent for a few moments, and Abby intrigued by his response, spared a glance at the window, but didn’t recognize anything out of the ordinary. When she looked back to him, his eyes were glazed over as if stuck in some sort of trance.

Before she could ask, he snapped out of it, blinking rapidly and shaking his head. Quickly, his eyes snapped up and locked with hers. The look in his eyes, it was as if he was looking through her while at her at the same time, as if he was trying to find the answer to what happened within her.

He asked if anyone had seen what he had, but his eyes were fixed on her. She knew he wanted her validation more than the others; his eyes were pleading with her to confirm what he saw. She was a bit embarrassed to admit that she was too enraptured in his reaction to notice anything unusual, but she wouldn’t admit it out loud.

When no backed him up, he told them that the AC light for the fan speed flashed on to high and then to low. Indra refuted the hotel hasn’t had power since it shut down, that it was impossible. Marcus swore he saw it, looking between Abby and Cece for any kind of support. Cece claimed she was watching the bathroom for any signs since it was where the serial killer casually cleaned his weapons after. Being the only one left, Marcus refocused his gaze on Abby.

It was the same gaze as before when he first looked at her before alerting the group he had seen something, except this time, it was more desperate and she could sense the trust he held in her. Without even having glanced at her, he knew she was watching the same site of paranormal activity—that’s what usually happened on these trips. The two would share a connection to a certain area that would draw out the spirits they were seeking.

Except this time, what they drew out didn’t come from the spirits in the walls. It came from within Abby and it affected her greatly.

Right then, when his pleading gaze never faltered, showcasing his trust in their connection, she felt her heart skip a beat.

Her hand twitched, wanting to hold it over her heart, as if to shield it from his eyes. It was only the second time she had ever felt it, and he was the culprit behind it once again. She trusted their connection, but if this was the result, she wasn’t sure it had her best interest at heart—it caused her panic and showcased the cracks in her wall of defenses. It solidified the fact she may actually fear something.

What she feared though, she would never admit.


	3. FONDNESS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pies are worth risking it at all for, including a heartbeat

The third time Abby felt her heart skip a beat, she thought water went down the wrong pipe—but there was no coughing or gasping for air. It went smoothly down her throat as she watched Marcus.

The gang was out to their monthly dinner gathering that followed one week after their monthly exploration routine. They all traveled to their hometown and dined at their favorite road-side diner, Pies N’ Stuff. When they were in middle school, they would ride their bikes up after school and get the famous comet shake, which contained pop rocks, adding an extra blast. In high school, they would drive up after sports events and have a slice of the famous blueberry pie until midnight as they gossiped.

As adults in the working world, they made the promise to visit the old hangout spot as long as it stood. Now, they ate real entrees, but they always saved room for dessert. Depending on the occasions during the month, such as a birthday, they’d order their favorite pie and stick a candle in it. The famous comet shake was always reserved for the month of July as it was the first time they ever visited and tried them.

Luckily for Indra, it was her birthday that month, and Marcus had contacted the other two with his grand plan to celebrate her 28nd birthday with as much enthusiasm as he could muster from her.

To be blunt, Indra wasn’t much for birthday parties, even more so against birthday surprises. She was content seeing her family on the actual day with a nice dinner and meeting the gang at Pies N’ Stuff. Anything that included a sliver of a streamer was immediately yanked down or ignored.

Marcus had tried every year since they were 16 to include some sort of decoration, theme, or party favor, but every time Indra shut him down. She wouldn’t even let him wear a party hat of his own. Abby could tell she tolerated the candle in the pie since it wasn’t obnoxious, but there was absolutely no singing allowed. However, she let Marcus hum the happy birthday tune as they all ate.

When contacting Abby and Cece, Marcus had mentioned how recently Indra was talking about fostering dogs. While he was out shopping, he had come across some cute, dog themed party hats. They were the typical cone-shaped hat, but they had googly eyes with floppy ears and a tongue that stuck out. He couldn’t resist buying them and begged the two to wear them with him.

Pushing his luck further, he told Abby separately that he called Pies N’ Stuff and asked if they would serve their table with the dog-faced paper plates instead of their usual dinner plates. When he sent her a picture of them, Abby knew Indra would lose her mind. The main sectioned off area had the whole face of the dog staring up at her with the two paws below it as side plates.

Abby reminded him that he was 0 for 12 on attempting to throw any sort of small party for her. He ignored it, saying that hope was everything, and he hoped try 13 would be the one. His persistence was a quality Abby loved about Marcus—while he be could stubborn, it was usually with his heart set in the right direction. Even if Indra didn’t agree.

So, as they sat at their typical table, having ordered a while ago, Abby watched Marcus as his eyes flicked between Indra and the kitchen. The sitting order always had Marcus by the window and Indra next to him while Abby sat across from him against the window as well with Cece next to her. She could see the food being prepared and set up on the paper plates Marcus dropped off in the morning. They spared a glance at each other as the plates were set up on the server’s tray.

A long-time friend, still working at the diner since high school for some extra cash, picked up the tray and brought it over to their table. The two gave each other one more look before focusing on Indra. Their server, Diyoza, called out Indra’s order and placed it in front of her. Immediately, Indra’s eyes zeroed in on the plate, noticing it was different.

As Diyoza placed the other plates down, everyone’s gaze was on Indra. Diyoza spun the server tray in her fingers and placed it on her side. She explained to Indra, who wouldn’t stop staring at the plate, that they had a new bus boy and he tipped the cart earlier this evening, shattering all the dishes in it. Currently, the other regular dishes were occupied by other guests, but Marcus said those would be fine.

Indra’s eyes narrowed at Marcus’ name, and Abby watched him from the corner of her eye stick his tongue out slightly, trying to bite back a smile. It was painfully silent for a moment before Indra unwrapped her silverware and stabbed her fork into her potatoes, replying that shit happens and she’s thankful she’s not eating off the table. Diyoza shrugged it off and told the gang to let her know if they needed anything else before walking off.

As Indra dug into her food, the other three watched her, wondering if or when she would throw the plate at Marcus, food included. She finished her whole helping of potatoes before looking up and surveying each of them, asking if there was something wrong with their food. Cece shook her head and said she was letting hers cool down a bit while unwrapping her silverware. Abby shrugged and blatantly answered no, with the explanation she was a little full from the appetizer and was waiting a minute. All eyes settled onto Marcus, awaiting his answer.

Abby saw his left pointer finger tapping against the table as he forced a smile to Indra. She could tell he was nervous and anticipating what Indra’s reaction would be. Trying to play it off, he replied that he was just caught up looking at her new earrings, but Abby saw his finger tapping speed up.

Indra knew he was bullshitting but ran with it anyways and began her story on how the earrings were her grandmother’s and she recently found them. As the conversation continued and the rest of them dove into their own entrees, Abby noticed Marcus’ finger tapping slowed down to an eventual stop. She saw the nervous sparkle in his eyes transform into excitement, happy with Indra’s response to the plates so far.

Abby wondered if his heart had skipped a beat at that moment, when Indra’s attention was focused solely on him. Abby felt fine throughout the whole scenario, and even though she was intrigued by Indra’s response, her heart rate was unaffected. Absentmindedly, her free hand came up and scratched at her chest over her heart. It stayed there for a second longer, feeling its steady beat beneath her ribs.

She saw Marcus’ head turn and her eyes lifted from her food to meet his. He raised an eyebrow, his gaze flickering to her hand before coming back to her eyes. She let her hand drop and she waved it off as she took another bite of her food. He kept his gaze on her for a second longer before letting it go.

When they finished their food and the table was cleared for dessert, Indra excused herself to the restroom for a moment. When she disappeared around the corner, Marcus pulled the party hats out and gave one to each of the girls. All three of them put one on and even Diyoza took one to the back to put on when she carried the pie out.

As they waited for Indra to return, Abby saw Marcus’ finger begin to tap on the table again as he watched the corner Indra disappeared around. She knew his heart had to be racing. He got an unusual response to the plates and Indra never brought them up throughout dinner. No one knew what she would think of their hats.

And when Indra turned the corner and saw them, she froze mid-step. Abby could see the internal battle that was raging inside her mind as she slowly started to walk back over. As she slowly sat back down, she looked from friend to friend, examining their festive hats and then finally the one placed in front of her—similar but complete with a bow Marcus had added to signify her birthday.

She bit her lip before looking to Marcus. His finger was tapping extremely fast against the table, and he was grinning widely. He ran his finger under the string beneath his chin, snapping it, causing him to wince slightly. Indra rolled her eyes, grabbed the hat, and put it on slowly. When it sat upon her head, she looked over to him and asked how it looked. His grin had grown to its full extent, eyes shining, as he told her she looked 18, not 28. That earned him a smack on the arm as the whole table burst into laughter.

When the laughter died down, Diyoza came out, hat on, pie in hand with the lit candle in the center. Setting it down, she jokingly began to sing but Indra’s glare cut her off. Diyoza shrugged to Marcus, stating she still wanted a good tip, and left the gang to their shenanigans. The three watched Indra as she stared at the candle. It was silent until Indra looked to Marcus, asking him if he was going to do his annual hum or not.

His grin, although it never completely faltered, beamed again before he started humming. Cece bobbed her head to the beat as Abby watched, tapping her hand along against the table. In the background, a little kid could be heard singing happy birthday loudly and their attention turned to the opposite side of the restaurant. Marcus gave him a thumbs up as Indra hid her face in her hand, shaking her head.

When Marcus finished humming, his grin was back to full power, and his tongue was sticking out of his teeth, unable to hold back how ecstatic he was. His eyes were trained on Indra, waiting for her to make a wish and blow the candle out, while his finger tapped away, eyes shining brighter than the diner light above them.

Taking a sip of her water, Abby saw Indra finally close her eyes and take a deep breath. As Indra finally blew out the candle, and Abby saw the flame glimmer in Marcus’ eyes and transform into sparkles of happiness, that’s when she felt it.

Not only did her heart skip a beat, she felt like her mind took a snapshot.

Immediately, her eyes froze on Marcus, the image burning in her mind. The sparkle in his eyes, speaking the undeniable happiness he was experiencing from Indra playing along with him. The tongue sticking out of his teeth as he couldn’t contain his smile. The joy she could feel coming off in waves, sparking across the diner table and entering her fingertips, seizing her heart.

That image, frozen in her mind’s eye, caused her heart to skip again, as if a flash went off. She thought maybe water went down the wrong pipe but the glass stayed at her lips, her breathing unaffected. The only uncomfortable feeling was the foreign sensation he kept creating in her chest, confusing the hell out of her.

Setting the glass down, she joined the clapping after the smoke trailed up and off the candle. Her claps were slower and she was more focused on her heart as the candle blurred from her vision. One hand came to her chest once the clapping died down and Indra went to cut the pie.

Why did this keep happening? _Why_ only with Marcus?

She glanced over to him, eyes still not completely focused as her vision blurred his real image with the one her mind took. It was barely anything as her heart rate quickened at the view, and if Abby hadn’t known how foreign it was, she wouldn’t have given it a second thought. However, since the frequency of its appearance around Marcus kept increasing, she began to continuously keep it at the center of her thoughts.

Finally, he looked over and while the smile he offered her was smaller, it was reserved for her, and her alone. His eyes spoke about how he was right, how his stubbornness and hope paid off in the end. They told her that he was happy, but as he noticed her hand resting on her chest again, his happiness turned to worry. He said nothing, but his eyes reflected the same worry she felt but wouldn’t show.

How ironic it was that he was worried about her heart when he didn’t know he was the cause of it skipping a beat.


	4. FEAR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no abby, you can't blame the coffee

The fourth time Abby felt her heart skip a beat, she wanted to run. She wanted to run and hide and never see the light of day again. So, that’s what she did.

Currently, Abby laid in her bedroom in her apartment, lights off and door locked. Cece had tried to ask what was wrong when she came running in, but Abby ignored her and made a beeline for her room. She thought isolating herself would turn everything back to normal; she thought the dark would swallow her whole and spit her old self back out. Words she never thought would apply to her, they suddenly explained what she had just gone through.

Abby Griffin, who was not afraid of anything, was afraid of something. She felt _fear_.

It wasn’t the fear of her patient dying on the table; it wasn’t the fear of her parachute not deploying and plummeting to her death; and it wasn’t fear of disturbing the wrong spirit at the hotel and becoming haunted.

It was her fear of Marcus—Marcus and how he caused her heart to react. Marcus and the pride he boasted landing his first solo skydive. Marcus and the trust he placed in her to understand him first and foremost. Marcus and the fondness he had towards making his friends feel happy. It wasn’t a coincidence anymore, especially after tonight.

Earlier that night, Abby and Marcus had met up for coffee after a long shift in the ER. She had to pick up a surprise double due to a coworker having a family emergency. She had let the groupchat know, as she complained on break that she didn’t have time to run and get a coffee. Not even ten minutes later, her favorite coffee had been delivered to her office via Marcus. She texted him separately her thanks and that’d she’d make it up to him if he was down for a coffee run after her shift was finally over. He was glad to, as he was going to be up all night studying a case that had come in at the law firm.

When her shift finally ended, she picked up their orders and drove over to his house. He was at the door the moment her car was parked. Still in her scrubs, she joked she was dressed close enough to match his pajamas for a pajama party. He laughed at her lame joke and stepped aside to let her in.

They sat in the living room, both on the big couch that faced his TV. They had talked about her shift and how there was a bad car accident that resulted in a mother and her teenage son being left with life-threatening injuries. After about five hours of straight surgery on the mother, they had saved her and got her into stable condition. Her co-surgeon, Dr. Jackson, had saved the boy in seven hours and also got him to a stable condition. It was a rough end of the shift but a successful one.

Marcus had told her about his new case and the circumstances surrounding father who was accused of child abuse to his twin sons. The mother had been missing for over a year and there was some speculation the father had killed her and hid her body, but there was no evidence to follow through. Since the mother had gone missing, there had been multiple incidents where the boys would be taken to the hospital with random bruises and injuries not common for boys their age. The mother’s sister finally had enough and contacted their agency to take action and Marcus gladly stepped up.

Abby commented how it’s been a whirlwind of a day for them both and he agreed, joking it came with their jobs. She didn’t deny it, but pulled two shots of whiskey from her scrub pocket, telling him that she stopped at a gas station, claiming they deserved it. Opening them, they smiled slightly at each other and clinked them, toasting to what they accomplished so far and downed the shots easily.

The warm liquid singed her throat and instantly made her feel cozy as the sensation traveled through her body, loosening all the tight muscles induced from work. Being able to relax and not be hawk-eyeing her movements for a mistake was a blessing she always welcomed after a shift. Setting her empty bottle on the table behind her, she saw the same effect washing over Marcus.

Taking the silence as he focused on the TV and sipped his coffee, she examined him under his poor lamp light. His hair was a bit askew, probably from his hands running through it as he read case papers and wrote down notes. He had his reading glasses on still and they softened his eyes, even though they were already a damp brown—a color girls loved to drown in during college. His loose-fitting white shirt was crumpled, defining itself as his pajama shirt. The tiny coffee stains along the collar signified how many nights he fell asleep at his desk. The plaid pajama pants were the only bright color he had on, as the design incorporated yellow and bright blue. They were a Christmas gift from Abby during college and all she could afford that semester, and ever since, when she would be over for these late-night coffee sessions, he would always be wearing them. The wear and tear on the bottom cuffs showcased how much he truly wore them.

When her eyes traveled back up to his, she froze, not expecting to see his gaze focused on her. She felt her chest tighten, but her heartbeat remained normal. His eyes were intense as they watched her, but they were soft as well, emotions swirling in the depths of them. Her chest tightened more as she noticed his finger begin to tap on his cup of coffee.

Breaking the silence, he told Abby that he’d been debating something the last few weeks. He even confided in Indra for advice on how to proceed. The finger tapping quickened as he suddenly couldn’t look at her. One hand came up to sweep through his hair, making it wilder than before. He bit his lip as he stared at the ground, the finger tapping slowing a tad.

Suddenly, his eyes shot up and his intense gaze was back and fully focused on her. It caused her heartbeat to quicken the slightest and she yanked at her scrub top, suddenly uncomfortable. He let out a loud and long sigh before telling her something she would never forget. The words would haunt her forever, both mentally and in her heart physically.

He told her that he liked her, really and truly liked her. He explained he had for the past few years of their friendship, but he thought it was just a normal best friend crush people get all the time. But when he had heard an armed robber had tried to attack her in the parking lot after a shift, he realized his feelings were true and he couldn’t ignore it anymore.

He had feared for her life, and the realization that he could’ve lost her that night shook him to his core. When he learned she was safe, the relief that swept over him alarmed him to the depth of his emotion. With a hint of a blush across his cheeks, he admitted when he learned she had taken him down with her bare hands, he was impressed and turned on.

Since then, he felt the once brush-off emotions he could easily ignore amplify until he could no longer deny them. Finally acknowledging it, the first person he told was Indra, and when he sheepishly confessed, she caught him off guard by revealing she knew before he did. ~~~~

As to why the sudden reveal, he mentioned his first solo skydive and the moment they shared in each other’s arms after he landed. He recalled how after he was done yelling, as they were both breathless while he waited for her approval, he felt the world had stopped for them. The look in her eyes, the pride beaming through them and the confirming smile, his heart had almost exploded. And he knew she felt it too.

When she looked sporadically around, he knew she felt something she never did before, and it surprised her, just as it did for him years ago. He didn’t push it then because he knows her, and how fearless she is, but he’s noticed moments since where she looks confused with a tiny hint of fear. He knows it’s something hard for her to process, that’s why he never pushed further, but he’s waited patiently until he thought they both would be ready.

It’s silent for the first time since Marcus confessed. The only thing Abby could hear was the TV faintly in the background and the pounding of her beating heart. The pain was more than physical—it hurt, not only in her chest, but _in_ her heart. He was right. She wasn’t used to this feeling, and she didn’t like it. She was _terrified_ of it, and she was terrified he had figured it out so easily while she struggled to come to terms with it.

When she didn’t respond, except to try to slow her heart rate through breathing, he smiled softly at her. It was the worst thing he could do as her heart rate spiked, increasing the unease she felt. He told her that he knew it was a lot to take in but he would be ecstatic to take her out on a date.

That’s what did it.

The confession sent her mind reeling, made her breath catch, and increased her heart rate, but it didn’t make her heart skip a beat. Him reading her a like an open book and figuring her out before she did scared her but didn’t cause her heart to stop. Marcus acting on his feelings, actively pursuing to move their relationship to the next level, that caused her heart to freak out.

She thought the previous heart skips were rough, yet this felt like a bomb went off in her chest. The tight feeling when it skipped felt as if someone violently yanked sutures shut after a chest surgery. The speed at which her heart raced after skipping was the fastest she ever felt, as tiny goose bumps exploded down her skin, creating a visual representation of her fear.

And it was _suffocating_. She needed to get out, _now._

She stumbled across her words as she tried to find a way to escape. He could see her internal struggle, and as he reached out to comfort her, she winced back. Suddenly jumping up from the couch, she made the excuse it was late, she was tired from work, and she had a lot of paperwork to do for the surgery in the morning.

As she scrambled for her keys, her heart didn’t stop racing. Its fast pace kept up as her fingers trembled through finding the keypad to unlock her car. She didn’t care she didn’t answer his question or even give any insight as to how she felt; she only cared about escaping this unfamiliar feeling and how she felt trapped in Hell.

Marcus didn’t run after her when she all about ran through the front door. Quickly hopping in her car and flooring it out of his driveway, she stole one last glance at his porch. He stood in the door frame, leaning against it as he watched her with a sorrowful look. The Hell closed in on her more, so she jammed her car into drive and peeled it off his street and to the main road.

The drive home was a blur; storming into her room while ignoring Cece was a blur. She brushed right past her, slamming the door behind her while locking it and shutting the lights off. She fell on the bed, tears immediately pouring from her eyes. She gripped her scrub top where her heart was still pounding and silenced her muffled screams into the sheets.

She was so scared. So. Fucking. Scared.

Abby Griffin had been in control of her emotions up until recently. Even when she was angry, her mind stayed sane and never strayed from being rational. Even when she was upset, she could control the tears and play pretend when needed. She had never felt fear like _this_.

Sure, when she was young, she was afraid of spiders. She’s still grossed out by them, but they don’t make her squirm or scream or cause her to panic when she finds one late at night in the bathroom. Sure, she feared for her grandpa when he was diagnosed with cancer, the future unknown with how his life would proceed from that point. The diagnosis indicated it was too late for intervention, so there was no balancing between if he would survive or not.

None of those moments ever caused her real fear, fear in the sense where flight overtook fight. Fear that took reign of the controls to her mind and sent it into overdrive. Fear that made her skin crawl and caused her heart to race. Fear that caused her heart to skip a beat.

Fear left her exposed. By being afraid, her defenses had fallen. There was a weakness somewhere in her armor and once one wall fell, it’s always easier to tear the others down. It left her vulnerable.

That’s why she feared Marcus.

If he could make her heart skip a beat, that means he could break it.


	5. TRUTH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indra calls out the bullshit while eating some pizza

The fifth time Abby felt her heart skip a beat, there was no denying it. She knew what it felt like by now, and she knew what was causing it.

Knowing all that, however, didn’t make it any easier when it happened. It still felt foreign, it still terrified her, and it still made her feel uneasy.

It had been over a week since Marcus had confessed to her how he felt; it had been a week since Abby’s heart rate had been normal. He hadn’t contacted her since besides the groupchat, but that didn’t fail to make her heart race every time she got a notification on her phone, believing he finally contacted her. It was never him though. She was both relieved and disappointed.

What made it easier to avoid him was the fact he had to fly across the country for the case he recently picked up to meet his clients and meet with the other officials involved. He’d been gone almost all week, but he would be returning soon, as his flight returned tomorrow.

Knowing he’d be home soon, and the group would have to meet up sometime to hang out, Abby was scrambling for a solution or an excuse to avoid meeting up. She contemplated picking up extra shifts, but that would drag her into late-night coffee sessions she couldn’t avoid without being obvious as to why. She even thought about taking a one-week vacation out-of-state to buy her more time.

In the end, she did exactly what Marcus did—she contacted Indra.

Indra had been at work when Abby texted her, expressing the need to urgently meet and speak with her when she was available. Replying instantly, Indra told her she would meet her at her apartment after work. Abby reluctantly agreed, as that meant Cece would have to be confronted as well, but in the end, Abby said she’d order in pizza for them.

Besides avoiding Marcus, Abby had done her best all week to deflect any conversation about that night when Cece would bring it up. This resulted in Abby isolating herself in her room and only leaving to get food and for work when she knew Cece wasn’t in the main room. She felt terrible about it, especially when she cancelled their weekly dinner date, but she couldn’t face questions about that night, not yet. Not when she was still so confused herself.

When Indra arrived after work, Abby had pizza set up on the counter and knocked on Cece’s door to tell her she had ordered dinner. Coming out, Cece was confused to see Abby actually conversing with her, but even more confused to see Indra in their living room nonchalantly eating pizza. Before she grabbed a plate, she asked them both what was going on. Indra shrugged as she chased a piece of cheese from her last bite of pizza, stating she didn’t know but she had an inkling. Cece looked to Abby and she smiled sheepishly, telling her it would be explained soon.

After everyone had eaten enough, silence fell over them as the TV played faintly in the background. Abby was fiddling with her fingers and Cece was watching them, noticing the odd behavior from her best friend. Indra was watching Abby as well and asked her what she wanted talk about that was so urgent, but Indra’s tone revealed that she probably already knew.

Sighing, Abby turned to look at both of them and explained what happened during the late-night coffee session with Marcus last week. Staying true to their personalities, Indra remained stoic and nodded along with everything Abby said while Cece screamed profanities and one-liners, emotions flying around physically as she stood up and began pacing. When she finished recounting that night, Cece couldn’t believe it while Indra just stared at her.

Indra confessed to Cece that she had known for years Marcus liked Abby, but he hadn’t admitted it until almost over a year ago; Indra confessed to Abby that Marcus had texted her that night after she ran off and they talked for hours on the phone. Hearing that, Abby felt like shit and asked for her to elaborate on what he said.

Indra explained Marcus had talked her through his confession and her reaction. She mentioned that he knew she was feeling fear and he was upset he instilled that in her, even more so when he couldn’t comfort her to take it away. Oh, Abby _really_ felt like shit.

After that, Indra explained that she told him that he should let her contact him in the next few days if she wanted to confront those feelings. They both agreed that it might take her awhile to come to her own feelings and what she wanted to do, but he was hoping it would have been before he flew out of town for work. Indra told him to be realistic and that if when he came back and she hadn’t contacted him about it, then he could ease his way into confronting her about it.

Other than that, Indra said she just had to convince him he wasn’t overthinking his feelings and that he wasn’t stupid for confessing. She said that she knew Abby would come around eventually, especially after the sky diving incident. Cece, confused, asked what sky diving incident. Since Cece was terrified of heights, she didn’t join the group on their sky diving adventures, meaning she hadn’t witnessed the first time Abby’s heart skipped a beat.

Indra looked over to Abby, raising an eyebrow, asking if she would rather tell her, or if she should recount what Marcus had described what happened that day. Staying silent, Abby fought a silent battle. Feeling her heart skip a beat for the first time, and then again and again and again, was real enough, but admitting it out loud to others made it _real_. It meant she couldn’t keep it a secret anymore and hide it away. She would have to face it, and she would have to face Marcus when he got back.

Her heart rate was already a little faster than usual but as she began to confess what happened after Marcus landed, she felt its pace pick up slightly. She told the two how she was congratulating him about landing his first solo skydive and about how proud she was, but she was so out of breath from her own experience, that she couldn’t express it verbally, so she just smiled. It was his reaction and how it looked like his world was completed in that moment, it was then she felt her heart skip a beat.

She confessed it confused her and she instantly broke the moment, as she was trying to understand what happened. She recounted Marcus watching her for a split second longer than normal, and she told them Marcus had confessed to knowing they shared the same feelings in that moment. She just didn’t understand at the time what it meant.

Indra confirmed it, saying when she was landing, it looked like she was intruding but really had no choice with nowhere else to go. She felt a bit guilty about landing and breaking the moment, but she wasn’t going to eat a face full of dirt so the lovebirds could gaze into each other’s eyes for hours on end. Abby was blushing at the comment, stating they were not lovebirds. Shakily, she added on in a fainter voice that she didn’t like Marcus.

At that, Indra tilted her head to the side and asked if she really meant that. Abby’s heart rate was picking up speed again as she looked to Cece for help. Her best friend shrugged and backed Indra up, stating she sees it all the time, especially when they’re exploring the hotel. He always wants to be by her side and always looks to her for confirmation. The look he gives her when she’s searching is something Cece’s only seen in the movies. And even when Abby watches him explore, Cece explained that while she is more subtle about it, the same gaze is still there.

Indra started up again after that, stating how it’s always when she or he thinks no one is looking. Like at the diner the other day for Indra’s birthday, before she went to blow out her candle, she did a quick sweep of the table. She had seen Abby’s gaze focused on Marcus, and there was the tiniest hint of a smile directed solely for him. The look in her eyes shouted the emotions she kept locked away and was afraid of revealing.

Leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees, Indra looked straight at Abby, telling her she thinks it’s impressive the level of courage she has, that Abby doesn’t fear anything. Truthfully, however, it seems she’s afraid to let those walls down that would let Marcus in. That deep down, Abby _did_ like Marcus. And while she did like him and wanted to let him in, she was afraid of love.

It was silent as the fifth time Abby’s heart skipped a beat occurred when Indra spoke that last bit of information. Automatically, her hand came to cover her heart as the words settled inside her. _Did_ she like Marcus?

Sure, she thought he was an attractive man, anyone could see that. His personality was golden, and he was the one she grew closest with in the group. They shared the same outlook on life, the same goals, and had similar visions of a happy ending. The fact he understood her when she didn’t know herself what was happening spoke volumes.

Gripping her shirt, she thought back to those moments her heart had skipped a beat and the many moments before the two shared. It was only then, when she was with him, did she find her eyes wandering. It was only then, when he spoke, her attention would tune fully into whatever he was talking about. It was only then, after an armed robber tried to attack her after a night shift, that she felt safe in his arms.

Abby’s eyes looked up to meet Indra’s gaze, hand tightening ever so slightly on her shirt. Indra’s eyes fell to where the hand was, and she offered Abby a small smile, stating the obvious that if she didn’t like Marcus, then she wouldn’t be so affected by this.

No wonder Marcus confided in Indra—she always spoke the truth, and she was always right.

It didn’t matter if Abby didn’t want to consciously admit she liked Marcus. Her heart was telling her through overwhelming means that she did, and if she tried to keep it locked away in her heart, fear would overtake her every time her body tried to release it. If she kept turning a blind eye to the obvious, she would always be afraid of love.

And that’s not who Abby Griffin was—she wasn’t afraid of anything.


	6. LOVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ending where Abby faces her fear

The sixth time Abby felt her heart skip a beat, it was quickly followed by a seventh, eighth, and ninth until she lost count.

After finally coming to terms that she did like Marcus and that she was afraid of the potential love that could bring, Abby told the two girls she was going to face her fears. Even if her heart may skip a beat in the future, she could still be in control of how it made her feel. It didn’t have to be a bad thing—it could mean she was happy, it could mean she was in love.

Abby could face anything, but now ~~,~~ she found it hard to take that first step. Saying she was going to confront Marcus was a whole lot different than actually doing it. When the two noticed how frightened she was in the car as they sat in the airport parking lot, Cece joked now Abby would know how she felt the first time they tried to explore the haunted hotel.

Keeping her eyes on the car clock, her heart rate increased ever so slightly every minute that ticked by. As time passed, Marcus’ plane approached the airport and the time she had before confronting those feelings lessened.

Lost in her inner turmoil, Abby barely heard Indra’s text notification chiming in the background. Unlocking her phone, she opened the message. Reading it, she announced to the others that Marcus had landed.

Abby’s heart immediately skipped a beat at those words for the sixth time, and its rate picked up intensely afterwards. Her hand once again came up over her heart and Indra spotted the movement through her rearview mirror. The two locked eyes and Indra offered her a comforting smile.

Abby took a deep breath and looked back out the car window. Letting it out slowly, she let the knowledge of knowing Marcus only thought Indra was picking him up calm her down. Not only would she be caught off guard with whatever she planned to do when she saw him, he also wouldn’t see it coming. Him walking into the same unknown offered her some solace.

Indra’s ringer went off again and she told the two that Marcus was off the plane and on his way to pick up his luggage. Abby’s heart skipped a beat a seventh time and her hand gripped her shirt tighter. Seeing her reaction, Cece joked around, saying he was a classy motherfucker, using his mile rewards to fly first class.

Abby didn’t register the joke, keeping her eyes trained out the car window, waiting for him to eventually walk out. What was she going to do when he did? She really hadn’t thought it through when she told the two she was going to face her fears, and when they asked how, all she had told them was that she would be joining Indra in picking him up at the airport. Intrigued, Indra agreed to let her join and Cece immediately hopped on board, stating she couldn’t miss whatever the hell was going to happen.

Abby had absolutely no plan. Usually, when faced with a challenge, she would think the possibilities through and pick the most logical. Except, when she tried to apply that strategy to this situation, she couldn’t come up with one scenario she felt she could execute. Act all cuddly when she hugged him as a welcome home? Finally answer him on his date suggestion in front of everyone?

None of it seemed like what she would do.

Instead of thinking of herself in the ER, she thought of herself in the air, in the hotel, and at the diner—when she was with Marcus. Sure, the logical thinking side of her never shut off, but in those moments, when she was free to be herself with no defenses, she went with the flow. Whatever was happening in that moment, if something was going good or bad, Abby went with it. She could adjust on the fly if needed or she could push something further need be.

What if she just let go? She hadn’t been able to mentally figure it out for weeks while her body had figured it out in a heartbeat. Why let her mind decide when it was clear it wasn’t trustworthy in this situation? The right decision would be to let her body choose what it thought was right. It led her to this point, and so far it hadn’t led her astray.

Indra’s ringer went off again and she was quieter for longer than usual after it. Not checking the rearview mirror, Abby knew Indra was watching her as she told the two Marcus had collected his luggage and was on his way to the parking lot.

Abby’s grip on her shirt tightened immensely as her heart skipped a beat for the eighth time. Her heart was pounding like it did the night he confessed and she felt lightheaded.

Time was running out. What would she do?

She kept her eyes locked on the airport doors, watching as they slid open every second and strangers exited. None Marcus, but sooner or later, he would come strolling through and towards them. She would have to decide what she was going to do soon.

Every time the doors opened; she felt her heart rate spike. She could feel herself detaching from reality slightly, her mind letting go. She was tired of the constant battle her mind had been in since that sky diving incident. She didn’t want to _think_ anymore, she wanted to _do_.

As if hearing her commands, the doors to the airport slid open again and time slowed as Marcus appeared between them. At the first sight of him, Abby’s heart skipped a beat for the ninth time. It was also then that she knew what she was going to do.

Without any thought, the hand that had been protecting her heart the entire time let her shirt go and unlocked the car door. She didn’t think as she pulled the handle and flung the door open, ignoring the questions sent to her by Indra and Cece.

Abby was done thinking; Abby was done being afraid. That’s what she was going to do—she wasn’t going to be afraid anymore. Not of him, not of love.

Leaving the door open, she took off into a run towards Marcus. His head was bent down as he looked at his phone, oblivious to the woman barreling towards him; however, her eyes never left him, her heart skipping with every footstep that she pounded into the concrete. At this point, she didn’t care if she knocked him flat on his ass, she kept running to him.

People gave her weird looks as they saw her sprinting past them, but she paid them no mind. Even though her heart was in control, her mind was focused on one thing: Marcus. And all her heart wanted to do was get to him and be with him.

Abby registered a faint yell from behind her that sounded somewhat like Cece, but she ignored it. Marcus, however, recognized his friend’s voice, and looked up from his phone. Instead of seeing Cece though, he saw Abby running full speed at him. He was across the street by now and was entering the parking lot when he saw her. Confusion etched his face and was present in his voice as he called out her name. When he noticed she wasn’t slowing down, he let go of his suitcase and shoved his phone in his pocket.

Like how her heart felt every time it skipped a beat, Abby slammed into Marcus, immediately wrapping her arms around him as his did the same to her. Trying to keep his balance, he swung her around in a half circle while he held her close. She buried her face in his chest as he did, lost in his scent and her mind swirling as her feet left the ground.

When he regained his balance and set her down, he looked down to her, completely flabbergasted. Whatever he was questioning her about went in one ear and out the other. Taking her face off his chest and looking up into his eyes, she felt that damned heart skip another beat.

 _Don’t think, just do._ _Don’t be afraid._

So that’s what she did.

Ignoring anything Marcus did except stare at her like she was his world, she snaked her arms back from around his waist and reached up to cup his face. She barely registered his lips stopping and the new waves of emotions swirling in his eyes. Without giving her mind a chance to second guess her heart, she pulled him down to her as she stood on the tips of her toes. Not a second later, their lips connected and Abby’s heart skipped another beat, but she had lost count a long time ago.

As his own hands moved from her waist to her hair, Abby’s heart skipped again as he kissed her back just as passionately. However, this skip felt a bit different. It wasn’t out of pride like the sky dive, it wasn’t out of trust like in the haunted hotel, it wasn’t out of fondness like at the diner, it wasn’t out of fear like when he confessed, and it wasn’t out of truth when she came to realize her true feelings. Those had scared Abby, even if she didn’t like to admit it.

This time though, when it skipped, she wasn’t afraid. It felt like the walls that defended her heart all fell down. It felt like all those feelings that had been locked up were finally set free. They weren’t held back, pounding against an inner cage, demanding to be let free—they pushed out for the last time soaring to liberty. And it didn’t terrify Abby, she was excited. She felt giddy; she was on cloud nine.

All the possibilities now open for her and Marcus were limitless. There were a whole lot of unknowns ahead of them, things she had never experienced before. She may have no knowledge of what will happen, but she knew one thing for sure: Abby Griffin wouldn’t be afraid to explore them, as Abby Griffin isn’t afraid of anything.

Especially not of Marcus, and especially not of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
> 
> So, how was a fic with no dialogue???? Felt hella weird for me to write but I'm happy with the outcome!!
> 
> As always, thank you for your continued support through reading, kudos, and comments! Let me know how you felt about the oneshot overall!
> 
> See you on the other side when I return with more fic!
> 
> All the love,  
> Lindsay :)


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